Being Used

Needed, what does it really mean? For that matter what does it mean to be used? Well being a mommy and being a parent can teach you a bit about both.

I remember my first real lesson in this came when my son was nursing nonstop all of a sudden. He was six months old and this was unusual so when I asked for advice from my fellow mommies the resounding answer was he was USING me as a soother. Using me? How could a six month old use me? I was exhausted and in no mood to be used...so I started to take action when I noticed him doing this again I would give him a soother. It worked, but at what cost? I mean was he using me...or did he need me? Did he need to be soothed and I gave him an artificial soother? I don't know why I thought at that moment that being used was such a negative thing. Why would I think that a six month old could know of anything but what he needed.

I am sure I did no harm to him by giving him a soother, but why couldn't I soothe him? I was afraid of being used.

I am at a different stage in life now...I crave to be used...it makes me feel needed.

So, it ended up that I could not keep giving him the artificial soothers and felt better to soothe my son myself. That time of my life went by so quickly and at the ages and stages my children are at now they do not need me as much....or do they? Could all their requests and demands actually be a form of need? Some requests are obvious. When they want me to come shopping it is so that I can pay.

Other requests are not as obvious and would seem to be a situation where my children are using me...or am I needed? When I miss cooking them breakfast one morning I will hear about it for the next few days. Obviously they can make their own breakfast...so they are being lazy? Or is it that they are needing the same thing I need from those breakfasts together? Those mornings are really magical for me, I need them as much as they do.

Camille comes down first, the quiet one, and starts eating. After a few bites she starts talking. She shares alot during those early mornings. In a few moments Calissa wanders down, tired but excited for her day ahead. She is normally talkative, but at this time she is listening to her sister and talking with her. It is so beautiful. I start sipping my coffee and send them off to school. As soon as the door closes as they rush to catch their bus, their brother joins me in the kitchen. Colton is every bit of 15 and talking is not high on his priority. When he sits at the island to start eating his waffle, most of the communication is grunts and one word answers. By the time he has had his third bite it starts, that amazing personality that he has starts to glow. So who is using who? If you can see what I gain from those few moments, you know that I am definitely the person using them...but it is because I love them and crave what I can see them grow into.

I wonder if God is using me? Better yet,will God use me? The times when I am being used by God are the best times of my life. When I take time and converse with Him and can actually be used by Him, that is when my purpose is truly fulfilled. Maybe I will not like being used at first...but I hope I always know that I am being used for a greater purpose.

To update you: Day two of Lent and my walking buddy and I had the greatest walk yet...we encouraged each other and spoke of great people in our lives and highlighted the best parts of our days. Those parts of our days that often get overlooked by the negative things that are happening.

I have not had any chips...but wonder if I am allowed to have Crispers...my gut tells me that I cannot.

Taa taa for now friends!

Kimmy