It is well....

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
This song was very powerful to me as a child, adolescent, teenager, adult, mother and wife. I can hardly ever sing it without welling up with tears. Imagine the verse:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
What ever my lot??? Really? Will I always say it is well with my soul? I am not talking about the fake smile that we wear sometimes...I am talking about the true knowledge that God is in control and it is well. Does it mean that all will go well...and according to OUR plan...no. It means it is all in God's plan and God's time and we put our trust and faith in Him alone. It is well...
I lived this a few times, as I am sure many of you have. I will just share one such time in this blog. It was perhaps the most frantic of times in our lives as a young family.
Hub was deployed to Bosnia for 7 months. I as a mommy was barely keeping my head above water but through prayer and support really was getting through. We were having a few problems with our son...apparently behavioural problems...
We were asking for prayer for him and our family nonstop-knowing this was all in God's plan was a comfort to me. We believed it could have been depression because even his favorite things were no longer of interest to him. Eventually we found a sport that he was really optimistic about and excited to start- triathlons...he was a natural at this. Although it meant early mornings and long hours of training we were both very excited to do this training together. Things were definitely looking up for our family and I was excited to surpass another hurdle in a military family life.
Things changed rapidly on a late afternoon trip to the grocery store. I had all of the kiddos excitedly helping me gather our groceries for the week. The kiddos had alot of energy and were not using this energy to it's better purpose. At one such time I scolded them and told them they should not be touching plants and they could be allergic. My son turned a horrible elephant grey color and slumped down onto the floor. He was still fully conscious...but breathing heavy and sweating. Anxiety attack...of course. It made sense that he would have anxiety and depression...so we were not over the worst of his depression yet. I calmed him, asked him to take deep breathes and we finished our shopping and headed home. I did not think too much about this and wasn't sure I should mention the incident to Hub...so I didn't.
Two days later the sitter called me at work...my son would not move...he was conscious...but sweating and could not swallow well. Another anxiety attack.
By the time he had is third attack it was the weekend before his big triathlon, I decided we needed to get this looked at and took him directly to our local children's hospital. I told them what my diagnosis was and they agreed. I felt an unexplainable urge to ask them to look at my son's heart. The resident looked at me as if I was a hypercondriact- which I was willing to bear the label.
The ECG was normal, I was told- so I asked to look at it myself. Not normal...not even close. I asked for a copy- not sure where all my confidence was coming from. I took this copy to two good friends...one a cardiologist the other a shrink....told them both the story and they both said he needed a second opinion. Thankfully the hospital decided that he needed another opinion too and they called him back- only to quickly find out that my son had a life threatening heart condition. He did not have anxiety from depression but from the fact that his heart was constantly racing around 300 beats a minute...where yours and mine would be going at 80.
Now the job came for me to inform my Hub and get him home, because we were being transported to another children's hospital 5 hours away for treatment.
This is the day my prayer life became my life. Mothers who will get on their knees for their children have the most passionate cries to their heavenly father. While the whirlwind of having Hub flown home and finding a place for my other children took over- the fear of loosing a child was very real. I remember exactly where I was when I felt...it was well...with my soul.
We had no answers...but the peace that went through my body was palpable. It was well with my soul. I was still crying and fearful of the worst...but I was upright and on my knees....I was talking to a friend (my saviour) who sacrificed His son for me...the Lord heard my cries...He felt my pain. I stopped asking questions and started feeling again. Some days I felt joy for the small blessings, others I felt fear...but I did not feel alone.
Here we are almost 8 years later...every day a gift from God. I usually need frequent reminders of this gift :o)...being as I am human and all...
It is well...with my soul.
Taa taa for now
Kimmy