Following

First of all...I know Char I said I would talk about anger...but I just wasn't feeling it today. Trust me...there will be a blog on anger!!

I have a feeling this blog is gonna be a long one...so buckle up peeps and lets get it started. So, as you are aware...I am very new to blogging. When my Hub emailed me and said you have 3 followers I was a bit amazed at his ability to know this. For those of you who do not know him, my Hub is in intelligence and I always assume he is using some sort of special powers to find his information, but as he informs me he just looked at the side of my blog. Sure enough when I opened the blog there it was in bold letters...3 FOLLOWERS- YIKES! The excitement of that turned quickly into sheer panic...followers....to be a follower there needed to be a leader- who is leading them? I am NOT a leader.
OK before all of my friends out there start commenting- I know I am bossy, opinionated, stubborn and competitive, but trust me that does not make anyone a leader. I also enjoy having a wee bit of attention...which can be a dangerous combination with this leader thingy. So all of that combined, I started refreshing that page hourly, then half hourly- 5 followers, 6 followers...then nothing. Sigh...six followers...that is not much. So the competitive side of me started- I looked at other blogs to see how many followers they had. Just remember only hours ago I did not even know what a follower was. Then came a mystery follower- I still don't know who you are...but man I am curious. Follower number 7 came and we are now stuck there. My kiddos started asking about my blog- so I showed them and immediately demanded that they clicked on becoming a follower- just to bolster my numbers.
Maybe you are getting the picture for why I am not a leader. Unfortunately those qualities do not make me a good follower either. With all those qualities I usually think I could do things better- even when the leader is Christ- I know I know...but I am being honest with you here. When my son was diagnosed with this crazy rare fatal disease- well I tried to find the other way- maybe every doctor made a mistake. The one thing I can tell you I am getting better at is surrendering to what I can no longer control, and you know what...that is something. To be a follower you have to be able to trust the leader you are following. This can be more challenging as the leader brings you places you are no longer comfortable going. It is at these points many will choose to stop following. Trust and faith is following even when you are not really sure what the outcome is, but you know that your leader loves you and will not harm you.
Another reason I am not a great leader-I am a wee bit directionally challenged. Yesterday on a walk with my coworkers I naturally took the lead on the narrow path. I was walking confidently along when I heard from the distance someone calling my name- when I looked up I realized I was leading us directly into the creek. So to be a leader you need to look ahead of you not just the first few steps. I have a fear of looking too far ahead- it is not bringing us where I wanted us to be.
My Hub is a natural leader, and rather generously allows me to take chances at leading. My children certainly feel more comfortable when my Hub is in the drivers seat- literally. Once when Hub was leaving for a long mission overseas we were dropping him off at the airport. After a long and painful goodbye at the airport it was time to take the long trip home with the kiddos. I remember they were really young and it meant I had to place each one into a car seat and buckle them before I got my emotionally weary body into the drivers seat. I started up the van and took a look into the rear view mirror to back up- but all I could see was a very scared looking little boy in the back seat. I immediately knew he was afraid for his daddy's safety and started to comfort him by telling him that Jesus would protect his daddy. So he says...and Jesus will protect us right mommy? Cuz I was just thinking, how are we gonna get home without daddy to drive? Out of the mouths of babes....
As it turns out my son became very trusting of my abilities during his daddy's absences. Most of the time he was my greatest cheerleader. When he would see that the world had dealt me just a little too much of life he would try his best to solve the problem, help me or gently ask me if I wanted to talk to daddy. My son was a great follower- he really helped keep this leader on the right track.
When I think of leaders in our church I wonder if I am being as good of a follower as I could be? Am I there greatest cheerleaders telling them they can do it and offering them help? Unfortunately, I am often more critical than needed and do not offer myself humbly to be led. I would have never made it if my son always pointed out my flaws- instead he would say to me maybe next time it will work- or did you try this, but the best part was always, maybe you should talk to daddy. As long as our church leaders are talking to the Father then we need to trust them and be their cheerleaders. Sometimes, when my son thought I did not quite tell daddy everything, he would talk to daddy about some of my concerns...that truly amazed me. We can do the same- go to our Father on behalf of our leaders and ask for them to have all the help they need.
So, I guess whether you are the follower or the leader in each and every situation there is an important role to be done.
taa taa for now my friends!
Kimmy